March « 2010 « The Social Caterpillar

Archive for March, 2010

Look Mom, I’m Failing

Monday, March 29th, 2010

Fair Warning: This may be a little too far on the ‘Navel Gazing’ end of the spectrum. Proceed at your own peril.

I’ve been thinking about fear. I’ve been letting fear make my decisions for me. Instead of pushing past any fear, I’ve been allowing it to push me back. I find my relationship with fear interesting/confusing. If you judge me for making a mistake, I have a complete ‘up yours’ attitude. At the same time, I absolutely hate making mistakes. I am afraid of doing things wrong. It is the being wrong that gets me.

So new challenge: I need to get comfortable with doing things badly/wrong. One thing I intended to start about five years ago but didn’t because of a pain flare (I have a pain disorder, we may get into more of that later, or not) is a ‘Bad Art Night’. As artists, we get so focused on creating what we envision, we have the habit of not allowing ourselves to experiment and take the risk of just creating something awful. When we start out with the intention of creating bad art, then we create a sense that doing something wrong is okay, and of course, it is.

Also, I have refrained from learning certain cooking techniques because I might do them badly. Whipping egg whites and cream (separately, of course) comes to mind. So, for another project I’m working on I’m going to make videos of myself taking whatever technique I’m trying to the point of failure.

Now, both of these plans are, well, planned failures. Not really the same as just trying something new and taking the risk of doing badly at it, but for me, this is a case of ‘you have to start somewhere’. I choose here.

Tags: bad art, comfort zone, Experiment, failure, fear, mistakes, Outside of my Comfort Zone, risk, wrong
Posted in Comfort Zone Stretches |

Talking to strangers, like, on purpose and everything

Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010

I forced myself to go to the grocery store, because, I needed to stop eating Girl Scout cookies for supper and trail mix for breakfast. Yeah, I’ve definitely done better at taking care of myself, but I’m really glad I went when I did. As I was leaving I saw a group of people over by a VW Bus painted with a star map. They had a telescope set up in the next space. Previously I would have taken note of the oddity of the sight and left, but now, I’m looking for opportunities to test my comfort zone.

You never know who you'll meet.

After I loaded the groceries into the car, I walked over and asked if they were traveling around star gazing. Turns out the guy who owns the bus is visiting his mother in Dallas and had recently driven in from British Columbia and astronomy is his passion. We talked a little about the neighborhood and they showed me planets and stars, and the gorgeous detail on the visible sliver of the moon, which held an orange cast. (Anyone else find it slightly disturbing that pollution can be so pretty?)

Another guy showed up and I learned that they had all gone to school together not far from where we were. People came and went, and I found out that this was not the first time he had come into town and shared his knowledge and passion with strangers in a parking lot. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe this whole talking to strangers thing isn’t as awful as I originally thought.

Tags: comfort zone, get out there, meeting people, Outside of my Comfort Zone, risk, serendipity, shy
Posted in Connecting |

I’m not drunk, well, not any more.

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

My father always says ‘there is a first time for everything’. My mother says ‘just because you can doesn’t mean you should’. While I have a tendency to follow in my mother’s footsteps, I think my dad probably has more fun. This weekend has been a series of firsts. Doing anything for the first time involves a certain amount of risk. The first time you walk, drive, ask someone out, they all involve making yourself vulnerable in a way previously unknown to you. You can and probably will fall, misjudge breaking distance, say the wrong thing, but none of these are really dangerous, well, it depends on how much you misjudge breaking distance. They can wound your pride, but you are in charge of how quickly that heals.

I’ve been making something of an effort to do things that I don’t usually do. (The look on my dad’s face when I told him that I had eaten sashimi was priceless.) The small changes can lead to bigger ones. I decided to go to SXSW which lead to responding to a distress tweet from Ori, which lead to getting drunk for the first time. In context, all of these activities were safe, but they were out of my comfort zone. Truthfully, however, my comfort zone had been getting smaller for a while. It feels good to be taking steps to stretch my confines and just try.

Even just doing things I don’t like, like valet parking and going through drive throughs can help me make more impactful choices later. So, tonight, I valet parked my car and ate venison cooked medium . Neither is anything I would have done three weeks ago, but valet was fine, and the venison was exceptional. I also made plans to go to San Diego later in the year. I bought the ticket, so now I know I will follow through. I promised my friend Jason that I would go open ocean kayaking with him while we are there. It’s not skydiving, but I don’t need it to be. I just need to take a look at what is in front of me and make a choice. Am I likely to get killed? Is it creepy? Any other really good reason to say no? Well, okay then, let’s go.

What’s next? We’ll see.

Tags: comfort zone, drunk, motivation, Outside of my Comfort Zone, risk, shy
Posted in Comfort Zone Stretches |

T-shirt Fail and Serendipity

Sunday, March 14th, 2010

Short version, the t-shirts turned out awful and I refused to wear them. They have been relegated to an as-yet-unnamed-future-event; I’ve got one in April and one in May, so I’ll just pick.

In other, better news, I didn’t make it to any panels on Friday. No, really, it was good news

Official SXSW programming started at 2:00. I had lunch plans for 12:30 which I knew would get me there a little late, which would have been fine…

But then, the parking garage I planned on parking in was full and I don’t know down town Austin at all. So, I found a partially empty lot, but the empty part wasn’t numbered and there was no way to know what spot to pay for, so I found free parking under the freeway, which would have been fine…

But then as I was within sight of the convention center I realized that I had left my badge in my car and couldn’t get in without it. So I walked back to my car, thinking all the while that I should have know better than to wear strappy 2 1/2 in. sandals. (I’m still not sure how I thought it was a good idea to only bring heels.) I got the badge and put it in my bag and as I was walking back I realized that I had my bag of fruit from the morning’s trip to Whole Foods in my hand; so I turned around and put it back in my car. Only, when I got back to the convention center I realized that I had put the badge in with the bag of fruit, not my actual bag. So, back to the car I went, which would have been fine…

But my feet were rapidly blistering, so I decided to drive back to the hotel to change shoes and go buy some flats, which would have been fine…

But when I pulled into a parking space at DSW, I couldn’t find my wallet. I’d left it in the hotel room.

Feeling frustrated I drove back to the hotel and checked Twitter, where I saw this tweet from Couch Surfing Ori. Now, had my day gone according to plan, I would have been at the convention center and not willing to leave, but as events conspired (not really) against me, I was not only able, but more than willing to stop and get a can of gas. I had been planning on finding Ori and introducing myself anyway, but this presented a perfect opportunity to do so.

After any of the day’s events, and especially all of them combined, I would have been likely to turn inward. I would probably have gone to some panels, but I doubt I would have initiated conversations with anyone. I probably would have gone back to the hotel and convinced myself that I needed to get some extra rest after such a stressful day. Instead, by responding to someone I hadn’t even heard of two weeks before, I met several new people, became friends with someone I admire, and have a whole new perspective on what I need to do for myself. Now, it’s all about the experience and of course, serendipity.

Tags: couch surfing ori, meeting people, no plans, Outside of my Comfort Zone, serendipity, sxsw
Posted in Comfort Zone Stretches |

I’m shy. Please, come talk to me. Thank you.

Wednesday, March 10th, 2010

I hate introducing myself to people. No surprise there. It feels awkward, and there is always the fear of rejection. On the other hand, if someone comes up to me, I’m good with it. I feel like I’m way better at responding than initiating but, how do you get other people to approach you? On to that question in a moment.

SXSWi starts this week and I’m going. Several months ago, I decided that I needed to attend, which I still believe. Unfortunately, I’ve only met about four people who will be there, out of about 10,000. And I don’t know any of them well. So, now I have to figure out how to meet people so that I don’t decide to spend most of my time outside of workshops inside my hotel room.

I'm shy. Please come talk to me. Thanks.

How am I going to meet people without introducing myself? I’ve decided to conduct an experiment on myself and those around me. Want to see what happens when I wear a t-shirt that says ‘I’m shy. Please, come talk to me. Thank you.’? Me too. So, I’ve got several font and color selections that I’m going to wear while at SXSWi and we’ll see what happens.

If the most disquieting thing I have to do is put on a t-shirt and walk into a room, I think I’ll make it.

Tags: Experiment, get out there, meeting people, shy
Posted in Connecting |

Welcome to My Chrysalis

Sunday, March 7th, 2010

I recently attended Social Business Boot Camp where Couch Surfing Ori acted as the MC, a well organized event with knowledgeable and engaging presenters. During the afternoon sessions they held a business panel. We were asked to submit questions that Ori then went through and asked the panelists to discuss.

The first question was about being shy and in social media: How do you recommend that someone who is shy become more involved in social media? Great! A question I could completely relate to. Only, Ori then began asking the panelists to talk about how they would get their shy employees to join social media. Wait, what?

The organizers then gave the woman who asked the question a prize bag and asked her to tell everyone what was in it. She gave her response and sat back down. She had just asked a question that told everyone that she was shy, and they had her stand in front of the conference attendees and talk? Really?

And then it made sense.

The organizers, the panelists, the MC, all outgoing people. And the conference attendees, we showed up, we had the same interests as the hosts and presenters, we were just like them. We were outgoing too. So that question about shy people, that had to be about people who weren’t there. Right. Well, not exactly.

And really, I think it comes down to perceptions. We tend to perceive people as similar to ourselves, until proven wrong. How many times have you been mistaken for being stuck up when really you were just reserved, shy, or overwhelmed? I’ve come to believe that this happens because it doesn’t occur to outgoing people that you might just be shy.

People who are outgoing and gregarious, they don’t know what it feels like to have your breathing speed up when attention is brought to you. They don’t understand the tightness in your chest when you know you need to go up to a stranger and introduce yourself. They haven’t felt their brains ice over right before each and every presentation, not even remembering their own name. The real, physical, sometimes violent need to vomit when faced with a room full of people you don’t know, yeah, they don’t know that either. Even now reading this, they don’t believe me.

And I’m not sure they need to. The problem isn’t them. Or us. The problem is letting shyness keep you from engaging. And that was the real question. How do you engage as a shy person? Put yourself out there despite the unease? Where do you start? Thinking about these questions brought me here, to Social Media Social Caterpillar. Welcome to my chrysalis. I may never be a Social butterfly, but I don’t want to stay under that leaf forever.

Tags: Beginning
Posted in Processing |