Archive for August, 2010

Sprinkles

Friday, August 27th, 2010

I’m feeling really scattered. Like those lovely little multicolored candy spheres on top of the cup-cake I just ate. So, so many and all over the place.

With the projects and classes and travel, I have so many ideas and seem incapable of landing on one long enough to get anywhere with it. And then, another idea shows up. I appreciate the ideas, but really, nine projects waiting in line is enough, please and thank you.

Also, the ideas and projects and blog and travel and other-things-I-haven’t-remembered, I want them all to share an internet home. No idea how to do that yet. I’m  finding a definite lack of cohesion right now. Arg.

I just realized this is becoming a Very Personal Ad. like Havi Brooks writes. I’m going with it, lets see where this heads.

What I want:

Ultimately, I want to create and design and write when and what I feel like.

I want these things to be bought by people who feel joy when looking at them.

I want to never have to package and ship anything, because I hate it and really suck at it. I am okay with the hating and suckage.

With all of the various creations, writings and designs, I want them all to have a *symbolic* home on my blog,  a starting point, if you will.

I also want the time and focus to bring all of this into being in the right way for me.

How this could work:

I could start getting up before noon. Something like eight in the morning would be nice.

I could finally sit down with Ori and we could come up with a cohesive design for the blog that looks like it’s *mine* and has a home for shops as they arrive.

I’m open to other possibilities too.

My commitment:

Talk to Ori.

Make a ‘what’s next’ list.

Allow it to happen organically, it’s not like I’m on a schedule.

In the comments, I’d like to hear how you developed your ‘internet home’ or what you would like when you do develop it. Thank you.

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Stuff and Stuffed Up

Monday, August 23rd, 2010

I have a tendency to think I can do anything. And most of the time this is great, until I lose sight of my real, personal, physical limits and burning the candle at both ends leaves me a melty puddle of wax. Like today. And yesterday. And, if I’m being honest, the day before.

Yeah. Sigh.

I’ve been here for a week and a half and haven’t bought any sweaters or a phone. I’m in the Guatemalan Highlands where our daily temps range from 50 to 70° F and I keep getting cold. Today, because of tummy issues I needed to contact the volunteer coordinator and let her know I wouldn’t be coming in. Only since I don’t have a phone I had to message her on FaceBook.

Yeah, that.

I want to do too many things and then there is the avoidance of others. Sometimes, though, they overlap too. I want to volunteer, take backstrap loom weaving classes, learn to dance salsa, take horseback riding lessons, do local hikes and volcano climbs, and travel the area on weekends. Oh, and yoga and cooking. In addition to doing the job that pays my bills, working on a project, and a different project, oh, and another three projects, well crap. Plus sweaters and a phone, and really, more shirts and maybe a pair of boots, but, probably not.

And, I could really use some Sudafed.

So, last Thursday, El Nahual held a Karaoke Party fundraiser. Bar, lots of people, drinks, singing, and jello shots, singularly and in random combination. I figured there was a pretty good chance I’d panic and sit in a corner all night. Sometimes I like being wrong. I sang twice, Hey, Jude , with five other girls and Friends in Low Places, with Tommy and his Irish accent. Mostly I knew the people around me and the others just really didn’t reach my awareness. So, fun was had, but a sore throat followed, made worse by sinus drainage, both of which I still have four days later.

I could go to the pharmacy and get some Sudafed*, but I’m really not looking forward to that conversation. I think that may be the procrastination on the phone too. I hate talking to sales people about phones, so let’s have the whole conversation in Spanish too. And shopping. I rather hate shopping. Usually I just order from J. Crew, since I know that the arms on their tops are long enough and so are the tall pants. Here, though, I’m not paying shipping, even if they would ship here (they don’t), and even if I believed the package would arrive (I don’t). Luckily, there are plenty of second hand stores with clothes for the long legged and armed type peoples. Except, I still rather hate shopping.

So, I’m taking the week off from volunteering, so that I can get myself set to rights and maybe figure out what I really have time for. Kind of like a non-guilty do-over.

*Turns out, the sale of Sudafed is banned here. I can, however get Valium over the counter, should the congestion get so bad I just want to lose consciousness. (Read with loads of implied snark, and a stuffed up nose.)

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Well, I never

Saturday, August 14th, 2010

I have always refused to live with anyone I wasn’t related to by blood or marriage. Until now. Now, I live in a house with five other people plus two NGOs.

Until I started this trip, I had never hailed a taxi. Then, last month, I took more cabs than I had ever before, cumulatively, most of which I flagged down myself.

And then there are the other new modes of transportation: mototaxis, collectivos, chicken buses, in town hitch hiking, and of course, mountain bikes.

Also on the list of nevers, I’ve been making myself do things that terrify me. The other night, a couple of my house mates had a dinner party and one poked her head in to invite me while I was working. Rather than take advantage of the work excuse, I got to a reasonable stopping point for the night and I joined them. All 11 of them. None of whom I’d known for more than a day.

Last night I went to a meeting for volunteers at El Nahual, where I decided to volunteer after the dinner party (pretty much everyone there volunteers at El Nahual). The big scary walking into an unknown group of people, yeah, not so scary, or the people unknown, for the most part, it turned out. I had met most of them at the dinner party. Then we all went out for Callum’s going away night, complete with rum smoothies and shisha.

Tonight I had a choice between salsa class (the almost-guaranteed-look-silly-in-front-of-people-you-know-option) and watch a movie at the school (the safe option). I nearly took the safe option, but at the last minute joined everyone for salsa. While I found the idea terrifying, the room was so small, and like I’ve said before, most people have such a strong focus on themselves, so no one notices anyone else until you run into each other. I had times where I did well, and times where I had no idea what was going on.

And I’m learning to bargain. I hate it. But it’s part of the culture, and I’ve yet to succeed with the whole arguing with reality thing. I’m taking it in baby steps. First I would just stand there and think. Often that’s enough to get a price drop and I don’t have to actually do/say anything. I’ve started asking for a slightly lower price sometimes. I’m still getting comfortable with the idea. When six red bananas cost $0.25, I don’t see the point of arguing.

There’s a karaoke party benefit thing for the school. I have no idea how I’m going to handle that, but I said I’d go. So, this one falls under being open to the experience. Vee shall see…

What’s the one ‘never’ you’d like to challenge yourself on?

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I can’t stop time

Monday, August 9th, 2010

In school, I would wait until the night before to write a 20 page research paper. Unfortunately, I could get away with it. Finally, I realized that in an entirely illogical way, I was trying to keep the next day from arriving. So, I started saying, ‘Tuesday is going to get here no matter what I do, so I might as well prepare.’ Literally. Whenever I caught myself putting assignments off, I would stop and talk to myself. Usually it worked, and I started working on projects in advance.

Until I started teaching, when most nights I had the damnedest time making myself go to bed. I would stay up until 2:00, 3:00, sometimes 4:00 in the morning. I had to get up at 5:30, so this really made no sense. Except, I was, again, trying to stop time. Trying to keep from having to go to a job where I had no support from my administration, no help from my mentor, insufficient resources and unnecessary rules.

Only, of course, it still didn’t work.

As much as I wanted to be a witch when I was in Jr. High (hell, I still think it’d be cool). I. Can’t. Stop. Time. Or move things with my will, but that’s not really pertinent.

And last night, I did it again. I stayed up late screwing around on the interwebs before doing the work I knew I needed to do before going to bed. The truth is, I was nervous about my Big Border Crossing Day. I tend to let my nerves run high, worrying about things that haven’t happened yet. I try to keep an eye on it, but sometimes I fail.

And then… my Big Border Crossing was so simple. The bus arrived in Ciudad Cuauhtemoc and the Customs Office was across the street. I went in and waited while two men had an interminable conversation. Eventually, one of the men took my passport and tourist card, stamped my passport and I was done. (The day before, I realized that I did not get a passport stamp when I arrived in Mexico and my brain started whirring. Then, I thought of something Ori wrote on FaceBook ‘Worry is a misuse of the imagination.’ and made myself breathe). And of course, everything turned out fine, the only blip was in my brain.

Then I caught a colectivo (shared taxi)  to the Guatemalan side, where I walked from one office marked ‘Inmigracion’ to another until someone pointed me to the office where I could get my passport stamped. Really, my wandering couldn’t have taken more than five minutes. The Customs Officer took my passport, wandered off, and returned it to me stamped. Easy.

As soon as I walked out the door, I nearly ran smack into a man who graciously offered to exchange my pesos at an awful rate. Of course, given that I stood at the border in a town that exists solely to get money from border crossers, I expected this and only had enough pesos to exchange to get me through the first couple of days. So, I took the crappy rate and was on my way.

The only way (other than walking a couple of kilometers with back packs) to get to the buses is by mototaxi. Think tuk tuk driven by a 13 year old. Even the mototaxi ride was uneventful, except for a few ‘Oh-Dear-God’s.

At what may or may not have been a bus terminal, I got my first sight of a chicken bus. Ever wonder what happens to school buses when they are put out to pasture? Yeah, they don’t go to a bus ranch. They get suped up and turned into chicken buses. I boarded one of these to Xela and was finally, really, on my way.

Recently I started following Havi Brooks on Twitter because she says funny smart ass things and has a duck, Selma. Turns out, she also has a really great blog that I lurk at. Havi is amazing… She:

Talks to monsters

Works on a Pirate Ship

Dances through to clarity

Many other things I’m sure I haven’t even discovered yet

Which brings me back to finding a better way of talking to myself and maybe tackling some of my other weirdnesses too. I love it when what I need gets dropped at my doorstep… er, laptop.

What are the magical powers that you lack but still try to use anyway?

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Ready or Not

Tuesday, August 3rd, 2010

My current adventure is as much about figuring out some things about myself as it is about seeing the world. Pushing my boundaries and discovering more about how I function.

When I left I promised myself I would try horseback riding (again) and windsurfing while traveling the coast. The options I’ve had for horseback riding have been either for people who already know how to ride, or sunset beach tours. I don’t really know how to ride and a sunset beach tour felt a little too romantic and not really about riding. So now I’m looking for a ranch with real lessons in Guatemala.

And… windsurfing. Apparently it’s the wrong time of year for windsurfing. So, I decided to try surfing, only I’ve never really wanted to surf. But, I wanted to get some sort of adventure travel experience in to set the tone for the rest of the trip. I tend to place myself in the role of observer and that’s a habit I want to break.

I stay in hostels because I want to meet new people, not just watch passers by (although that can be really interesting – especially the stories I make up in my head about them)

I started this trip because I want to see the world for myself with all of its shine and filth, not just read my travel guides.

I want to try activities I normally wouldn’t because I won’t know unless I try and watching on tv or even from the sidelines, just isn’t the same.

But sometimes I’m not ready for what I want. Sometimes I need more mental preparation. Sometimes I need a different location or situation. Sometimes I need a catalyst.

My life goes a lot more smoothly when I follow the lead of the universe. I meet great people and learn what I’m supposed to.

On Tuesday, I arrived in Puerto Escondido and immediately after getting off the bus, the owner of a hostel started talking to me about his place. Given that I didn’t have a room anywhere else, it was within walking distance of the swimming beach, and had a pool on site, I agreed to try it for the night, and I’m glad I did.

Towerbridge has a feeling of easy camaraderie. After I returned from supper, I joined Steve (the owner), Carla (an employee), and Jason (a traveler from Seattle) under a palapa by the pool. Soon after, Nina & Sefil* (from the Netherlands), and Merti* & Luna (from France) invited us to go to the bars at Zicatela, the surfing beach. Each day, as people arrived and left, so many were engaging and generous.

I spent the next two days working during prime beach time and I realized I was putting off surf lessons. You see, Wednesday morning I had gone to the beach to sign up with a surf school. I couldn’t find anyone to talk to and the surfers on the beach seemed to have a cooler-than-thou attitude, something I used to encounter when I spent all my free time in tattoo/piercing shops. I’ve known plenty of down to earth tattoo artists and piercers, but I’ve met many more who believed their own hype. I think I just didn’t want to go back. Since I’d worked so much the previous two days, I was able to take Friday off and spend it at the beach. (I didn’t take the camera, sorry no pics.) When Jason and I left I still intended to take a surf lesson. Once at the beach, I said I just wanted to spend some time in the water first. And then I realized that I had already mentally allowed myself to not take a surf lesson. Only a few people had arrived at the beach and the waves were small. I was really enjoying just playing in the water and talking.

Soon Romina, Petr, and Martin arrived and I admitted out loud that I had chickened out. Looking out into the water, I realized it was true. With too many people in the water and the waves getting much stronger it looked complicated and not like any real fun. Well, the surfers looked like they were enjoying themselves, and really that was when I realized that I wanted to learn to surf for its own sake.

As the waves got stronger, Jason, Martin, and sometimes Romina too, would ride them onto the beach and then allow the receding wave to drag them back out into the ocean. I went out with them for a bit, but I just didn’t enjoy it as much as they did. Letting the wave carry me in was fun, so was letting it flip me around some (like I could have stopped it if I wanted to), but I started to lose my breath, the salt water hurt my throat, and having my backside dragged down the rocky beach back into the ocean lost its charm rather quickly.

Ultimately, I believe the people I met were more important to my journey than a surf lesson. Plus Jason gave me the name of a beach in Ecuador that is supposed to be perfect for surf lessons.

I know I’m ready for something, I’m in the right place, doing the right thing when I can do it readily. I feel right and strong and I win my inner argument with emotion rather than logic. Just like you can’t logic someone into a relationship, I can’t logic myself into action. I’ll act when I’m emotionally ready, not just intellectually.

The same seems to go for people, they show up in your life when you’re ready for them. Martin has also sold everything and is spending the year traveling and figuring out what’s next. Jason’s returning from a whirlwind tour of South America and already plotting how to return to Puerto Escondido and a trip through Central America. Romina is headed back to medical school and has offered to show me around Switzerland when I get there.  With many of the people I met in Puerto Escondido it feels like the journey is not over, like we’ll pick up someplace later. Probably starting with Martin since we’re on similar paths, both literally and figuratively.

I’m ready for the next step, even if it’s not a surf lesson. What do you want next and are you ready for it?

*I am in no way sure about the spelling of these names, or really, even if I’m close.

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