I *should* be at a party
May 29th, 2010

I should be at a party right now. It started about fifteen minutes ago and I’m pretty sure I said I’d go, you know, on page where I paid for my conference ticket. But I’m at home… typing.

I attended the Big Design conference here in Dallas, yesterday and today. I really enjoyed the event. Great speakers: Russ Unger, Giovanni Gallucci, Jared M. Spooler, all funnier than individual human beings have any right to be.

After the T-shirt fail of SxSW I promised that I would make and wear my ‘I’m shy. Please come talk to me. Thanks.’ shirts to a different event. I chose this one. I had two made since I just didn’t feel like bothering with the whole iron-on thing again.

I'm shy. Please come talk to me. Thanks.

I wore them, and two people noticed, two people I was already talking to. I had met Michael at SxSW through Ori earlier this year and when I saw him, I went up and said hello. While we were talking he read the shirt and asked me if it was true, was I really shy? I explained that while I’m great with having one on one conversations, I have a difficult time introducing myself, so he introduced me to some people.

So, there was some benefit to wearing the shirt, but not how I expected. But expectations will make you insane.

There was a party last night too, but I felt like death on a stick, so I didn’t feel too bad about ditching out. Tonight I have no excuse. I’m just too freaked out to do it. I know where it is. I know how to get there. I’m a member of the place where it’s being held. I’ve met (in passing) a few people who will be there. But I don’t have a social buffer and apparently, I’ll sacrifice going out since I’m without one.

It’s funny, I’ll do all kinds of unorthodox things:

I’ll drive to NYC with two days notice.

I’ll sell everything I own and start an around the world trip with only a vague notion of what I want to do and where I want to go.

I’ll take pole dancing lessons.

I’ll go to a conference with 12,000+ attendees where I know no one.

I’ll share my fears, trials and successes with strangers on the internet.

But I won’t say hello to someone I’ve never met without an introduction. (Okay, that’s not entirely true. Under certain circumstances I can introduce myself, but they are limited and somewhat amorphous).

Looking at the list of things I have done, will do, they all have one thing in common: I did them alone. I’m good at alone. I need to work on social. Something without the jump-right-in factor.

I just don’t know what that is.

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This entry was posted on Saturday, May 29th, 2010 at 10:09 pm and is filed under Connecting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • http://CouchSurfingOri.com/ Couchsurfing Ori

    I play bull poker, I train with cage fighters, I've been couch surfing for 4 years, I've done a lot of things that I shouldn't publicly say on your blog comments (but will happily tell you on the phone…. not that I was going to have a political career) – but I also hate introducing myself. It's a lot easier being introduced, or even better, being well known, so you don't have to introduce yourself. It's a strange reason to get famous, but it kind of works.

    Here's the thing… parties are fun, as are strangers… when you're in the mood for it. How is mood defined? Well, there's lots of ways, but having done the proper drugs (see political career statement above), I can probably narrow it to certain neuro transmitters. Extacy produces serotonin. Others that help out are dopamine. Even Gaba – which is readily available on the web and in your local vitamin shop – helps bring mental calm. Any and all of these make it easier to talk to strangers… without being trashed on booze — 'cause there's talking to strangers, and then there's vomiting and hanging from the chandalier…. so… maybe next party, pop some Gaba, have some mental peace, think of the crazy things that you've already done, and plan on doing, and that will generate some of the other items… then go get 'em! Just thought I'd mention a different approach than “read this book”

  • http://thesocialcaterpillar.com/ Kathryn Hunter

    I see your point, and I'll look into Gaba. After I wrote this I went and drove around for an hour and a half because I had so much emotional energy I really needed to burn off. With all that is going on right now related to getting ready to leave, I think I was just at my limit. I'm also pretty sure this falls into the Introvert/Extravert category of experiential differences for us.

    And yeah, if I can avoid *ever* being drunk to the point of vomiting, that would be great. The chandelier thing is optional, but I'll need insurance first. ;)

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