Posts Tagged ‘fear’

Remember when…

Sunday, January 8th, 2012

I was a little reticent to put up the last post. It can be so easy to say,”Well, yeah, you can do X, look at all the stuff on that list. You’re obviously so much more Y than I am.” Maybe, maybe not.

I may have something you don’t, though. Blog archives.

When I do something that I’m proud of having accomplished, especially related to being shy/HSP/introverted, I usually write about it and post it here, with the hope that you will read it and get something out of it. Preferably inspiration, but whatever.

You’ve Done Eeeeeeeeeeet!

Once you’ve accomplished something, unless it’s HUGE, it doesn’t stick in the forefront of your mind. It slips further and further back until it’s almost not there. And this can be a great motivator, this wanting to move on to the next great thing of yours, but when your’e feeling low, it’s a problem.

I’ve got an easy way to look back and see what I’ve done, which is good, because when I was writing that post, I didn’t remember everything. I had completely forgotten that I rode a horse after refusing for 20-odd years. I forgot about contract negotiation and the taxi driver too. annoying git

Anyway, if I can forget these things after having done them and then written about them, I can only imagine what non-blogcentric folks manage to forget, especially in a time of the I-can’ts.

Twofer

Truthfully this is a two birds, one stone kind of deal. When you write about something, you create a story, one you can tell when you’re first getting to know people (or later) and it’s already there for you to draw upon. Second, you’ve got a record for when you get hit by the I-can’ts.

  • Obviously, you can journal, in a notebook or on your computer, or
  • You can write notes on FB, or
  • You can start a blog, public or private, or
  • You can write on 750words.com, or
  • You can email yourself, using the subject line to create a smart folder for organizing, or…

You are awesome, I am sure of it. You’ve also done more than you can think of right now. I’m sure of that too. Keep track of your stories. They tell us who you are, but they tell you who you are too. Usually when you need it most.

How do you remember what you’ve accomplished?

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Posted in Comfort Zone Stretches |

Dear Future Me

Friday, January 6th, 2012

Dear Future Me,

I know right now it feels like you can’t… Like you don’t have the whatever-it-takes to do what you need to do next. But you do. I know you do. Remember when:

you went to that first conference and didn’t know a soul? You met people, got irritated and started this blog.

you walked up to perfect strangers in a grocery store parking lot and asked them what they were doing and that’s how you saw just how beautiful moonlight and pollution can really be?

you drove from Dallas to New York City and back, alone?

you sold all your stuff and got a one way ticket to Chihuahua, only knowing that you intended to head farther south?

you got back on a horse after twenty-some years?

you got your PADI open water certification even though you were fairly well convinced you were going to quit breathing and die?

you climbed a volcano and rode a toboggan back down?

you created a program to help people become a bit more social in ways that work for them? Then you put it out there for them to accept or reject?

you zip lined across a river canyon hundreds of feet above ground? oddly enough, didn’t write about that one, maybe some day

you asked people to share their stories of being shy and introverted so that we can hear that it’s not just us, whenever we want?

you rode atop a float in Carnaval in Rio despite a stupid number of (or number of stupid, it could go either way) obstacles?

you told people no and had them rewrite contracts?

you went back to school to get your PhD, knowing full well that it will take another ten years, give or take a year? this one actually starts in a week or so

you created a membership community where shy/introverted/highly sensitive people have a space to share and learn about themselves and each other? You put you tiny sweet idea out there because we needed that space.

you learned how to hula hoop and navigate the city bus system?

you stood your ground with a taxi driver who seemed to think he could take advantage of you?

you hosted a Twitter Party and even had fun?

You did all of those things and at the time, they felt scary and your brain was screaming at you that it wasn’t safe. You did them anyway, because you knew it was safe enough and what you wanted was more important than the screaming.

What you want is still more important that the brain-screaming. And you can do this too. Whatever it is. What’s your first tiny step? Start there.

Love,
Me

Dear People Who Aren’t Me,

That quite a list up there isn’t it? Enough to make you feel a bit funny about your own list, maybe? Here’s the thing, I made a commitment to myself to try things that scared me. I took my risks. You’ve got yours and you’ve had your successes too. They are certainly different, but no less powerful.

We’d love to hear your successes, if you’ll share a few with us. If not, go ahead and write Future You a letter, maybe one like this or different altogether, either way, I’m sure Future You will appreciate it. *hugs*

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Posted in Processing |

Amazing You

Sunday, December 4th, 2011

When you gonna make up your mind?
When you gonna love you as much as I do?
~Tori Amos

Will the Circle be Unbroken

Today I was at an intimate concert from Ariana Hall with a few friends and a few new-to-me friends as well. To set the feeling as more of a group of friends than a show, we went around and introduced ourselves before the music started. I introduced myself as someone who works with creatives on stretching their comfort zones and practicing self care.

I have a tendency to introduce myself as a jewelry designer, my day job, because people know what that means. I design jewelry. They know what jewelry is, they know that people design it. Simple. I’m still working on telling people this:

I’m a comfort zone stretching social enrichment coach for creatives who want to get out more, meet people, have adventures; and believe that being shy, introverted, and highly sensitive is a blessing — if we allow it to be.

But if I don’t claim it, then I am, in fact, denying it.

Against the Grain

In this group there were yoga teachers, body workers, musicians… All people I tend to think of as having two jobs and maybe they did and maybe they didn’t, but they chose to identify in a certain way.

As the music got going I couldn’t stop thinking about how the people I surround myself with all go after their dreams. We do what we can to live our lives, the ones we claim. We may not make every possible choice to get us closer to our goals in life, but we do make every choice we can.

Can’t You Hear Me Callin’

I have one friend who comes to mind, N, he’s an author, just finishing the second draft of his novel. While I haven’t read any of this particular work, I have read his writing before. He’s got a strong voice, a talent for spinning a story and the man can research like few I’ve seen.

And, yet…

He makes light of compliments and currently considers anything less than a publishing deal to be failure. I want to bring him into this circle of determination and love. To *force* him to see how much he has done and how much he has to offer. But I can’t.

Never Give Up

As pissy as it makes me, I can’t tip back his head and feed him his own worth. I can, however, do this, I can support him in his choices and let him know how amazing he and his works are and maybe one day, he’ll get it for himself.

And I want you to know this, you are amazing. Whatever you create, share it, and when people praise you, believe them. You know what it was like getting there, you know how it all happened (maybe) and you probably even know that you’re not *quite* where you want to be yet. And still, believe them, because you need to love you as much as I do.

Today, I’d like to hear what you’re working on, what you’ve just finished, what ever it is that you can share that makes you, you. Please, share with us.

Annnnnnnnnd we stretch Two Three Four. Sign up for Inching Along and you’ll get small comfort zone stretches sent to your inbox ever other week, plus resources and other fun nuggets of info. 
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Posted in Learning & Awareness |

Bookworm Reviews: Swept, Love with a Chance of Drowning

Saturday, November 12th, 2011

Title: Swept, Love with a Chance of Drowning
Author: Torre DeRoche
ISBN: 0615521118
Pages: 320
Release: August 27, 2011
Publisher: Gauguin Media
Rating: 5/5

Swept, Love with a Chance of Drowning is a memoir, a story of walking away from the security and into the unknown, all for love. It’s also a story of sailing, adventure, meeting new people and being horrendously sea sick. Torre DeRoche meets an intriguing man (Ivan), falls for him and facing her greatest fear, she sets sail with him, only to find out, again and again, what ‘adventure’ really means.

When I got my review copy of Swept, I was a bit nervous to start reading it. I know Torre on Twitter and being in a position to judge the art of people I know, it makes me a bit twitchy. I started reading, thinking I would get in half an hour before supper, and I did. Then I read through supper, through my bath, and straight through my bed time.

While I enjoyed Torre’s tale of developing love and the way she came to commit to the trip, her descriptions of the sailing itself, each new destination and the people they encountered were what kept me from being able to put the book down.

I spent my teen years avoiding our sail boat. I think I set foot on it twice, ever. But now… The destinations as Torre describes them, they sound fresh and beautiful, like something I have to see for myself, and places that *need* to be experienced by boat. Even when that means plugging a leak with duct tape and eating canned food for weeks on end.

If you’re at all interested in adventure travel, facing your fears, or sailing, I strongly recommend picking up a copy of Swept.

Update: Torre has had some great news since I posted this. Congratulations Torre!

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Having Tea with Your Fears

Monday, November 7th, 2011

A few month’s back Marie Forleo did a video on Partying with Your Fears. And I wondered (on Twitter) what my followers thought about it. I didn’t hear a peep from them and I’ve been letting the idea stew in the back of my mind ever since.

Because, let’s face it, I’m generally not one to ‘party’ with the things I like, much less the ones that freak me out. Having tea, on the other hand, I do that all the time.

Tea Time?

When I get overwhelmed I tend to walk away and have tea. What if, on occasion, instead of walking away, I took the fear with me. We could have tea and maybe cookies and talk about what the fear is worried about.

I have no idea if this will work, but I like the idea and I’ll let you know how it goes.

Do you ever sit with your fears? How do you do it?

Want to receive small comfort zone stretches and resource recommendations every couple of weeks? Sign up for Inching Along and I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Posted in Intention |

Looks Matter

Saturday, November 5th, 2011

Your appearance does matter. It affects how you feel, how others perceive you and by extension, how they treat you. So, yes, I care about how you look. But I want to be clear about this: I don’t care about your height, weight, coloring, tattoos, make up, proportions, or what brand of clothes, shoes, or accessories you wear. I probably forgot something, just tack it on to the list if it comes to you.

Invisibility is Not a Super Power

I care about how you, to use a lovely old fashioned word, comport yourself. Some of us (I go through phases of this myself) have a tendency to dress for invisibility. Blending into the background is a defense mechanism, where we feel that if we don’t do anything to get noticed, then we won’t have to deal with whatever-is-freaking-us-out-in-that-situation.

When I wear clothes that make me feel invisible, I’m less likely to stand up for myself if needed. If I look like I don’t care about how I look, it sends the message that I don’t fully respect myself and that affects how other people treat me. It shouldn’t, but it does. There’s a reason that people in positions of power wear crisply tailored clothes.

One Fish, Two Fish… Well, You Get the Idea

You take two perfect strangers, both are calm, confident, and well educated. One is wearing an ill fitting suit and his shoes have seen better days. The other wears a tailored three piece suit and his shoes were shined that morning. Who are you going to trust to manage your money?

Or you’ve got two artists in front of you, wanting you to show their work in your gallery. Their work is solid, they both have artist statements that not only speak to you, but will impress your clients. One woman, well, you’re not really even sure what she looked like when she came by. You’ve got a vague impression that she seemed mousy. The other woman, her style was in line with her art and her statement: strong, simple, a reinforcement of who she is. Who do you choose?

So Many Choices

We make unconscious choices all the time. You have amazing gifts to share with the world and I’d hate to see them overlooked because they were hidden under a baggy grey sweater.

I asked Michelle from Let’s Radiate (she was previously a fashion blogger) for some sites to check out in case you want to poke around a bit. Michelle recommended Already Pretty and Dramatis Personae. I’m currently loving Inside Out Style and I’m strongly considering doing my own take on building a capsule wardrobe. If doing your own capsule wardrobe apeals to you, Jeanine does various challenges like Project 333 and Six Items or Less that you can do too.

Do you ever dress for invisibility? Or use your clothing to convey a different message?

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

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Posted in Learning & Awareness |

The Power of Questions

Sunday, September 25th, 2011

Why?

I stood up to a cab driver while I was in Sacramento and I didn’t turn antagonistic *or* apologetic about it either. I know, I was shocked too.

I had to go to the store while I was in Sacramento and given how late it was the service representative at the train station didn’t think it was wise to walk. We went outside and got an estimate from the taxi drivers, $20-25 total, including going there, waiting and coming back. Now, you know I don’t have the best relationship with the idea of taking taxies, so I didn’t really trust that it would be that simple.

Taxis, They Use the New Math

We got there and the meter was about $12. I did my shopping but the store was short staffed so when I got back out it was at about $20. He dropped the flag again and we set out on our way. Really, it didn’t seem like I should be charged for waiting and have the flag dropped a second time, but, truthfully, I don’t know how these things work.

We returned a different way and this time the meter rang up around $22. He pulled in and told me to just give him $40. Yes, *fifteen dollars* more than the estimate. It wasn’t that long ago that I would have paid him just to get the whole ordeal behind me, but I wanted to see what he would say when I asked him about the discrepancy.

I asked him why the difference between what I had been told and what I was being charged was so large. He replied that we had to go out there, he waited and we came back.

“Yes,” I said, “but that was included in the quote.”

“Fine, pay me whatever you want.”

Just That Simple

I gave him $30 since the extended wait at the store wasn’t his fault. Then I went in and had a discussion with the station representative so that they knew what was going on. From now on, they’re going to get written quotes before they send people out in taxies.

So, this is my plan now: when something seems off, I’m going to ask why. Because, often there is something going on that I don’t know about. If I get a reasonable explanation, great. If not, I’m going to ask again. I know there are plenty of people who would look at this and think, well, yes, that’s what you do. As someone who has spent decades avoiding confrontation, this qualifies as an epiphany.

What positive ways do you use to handle confrontation?

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Posted in Processing |

Bus Adventure Day

Friday, July 22nd, 2011

If you’ve been following along the past few months, you’ve seen bits and pieces of what I’ve come to call my bus insanity. It’s not a very nice name, but it is what it felt like.

 

When I decided to move to Austin, I decided to go carless. Austin has Car2Go, buses, bike lanes and it’s pretty pedestrian friendly too. Downtown, there are also taxis and pedicabs. For longer trips there’s the train, car rental, and of course the airport.

Freak Out

Only, it turned out, I was freaked out by riding the bus. Well, that’s not exactly right. I was freaked out by the idea of doing it wrong. Yep, that again. See, there are so many tiny details involved in riding the bus and I *hate* doing things wrong. Even things that I would forgive of anyone else, or not even notice if anyone else did them.

 

And so, the chorus began:

  • Do I just stand at the bus stop?
  • Do I flag down the bus?
  • How do I pay?
  • What if the bus-ticket-machine-thing won’t take my money?
  • How will I know when my stop is coming up?
  • When do I ring for my stop?
  • How do I ring for my stop?

And then, the stress and accompanying fatigue and pain. Mercy.

Break it Down, Um… No

Usually, I would break it down into smaller steps. And I tried. I went on the bus with a friend. I watched people at bus stops as I was walking places. Only, there’s only so much you can break it down. Once you get on the bus, you eventually have to get off. Then you have to get home.

 

I finally realized that 1) I needed to have absolutely no other pressure on me that day. No plan to be anywhere specific and any particular point in time and 2) the only way to do that was block out a whole day for it.

You’ve Got Two Choices of What You Can Do

There are two ways to look at anything you are going to do. You can look at it a something you have to get through. Or, you can look at it as an adventure. I’m sure you can guess which one you are more likely to repeat once you’re done.

 

If I just rode the bus to the store and back (one ride, a half a mile each way), it would have been something I had managed to get through, something I could check of my list of having accomplished. It would have been unlikely that it would have much easier for me the next time.

 

So, I had a Bus Adventure Day. First, I went to the yarn store, which, for me is wonderfully comforting. One bus east and a transfer south. Of course, I missed my stop by one, I think. I’m still not real good at reading where I need to stop on the map on my phone, but I have since discovered that the list style directions give the cross streets for the stop.

Cranky Pants and Gingerbread Pancakes

There had been some people on the second bus who were cranky and being rather loud about it and that kind of threw me for a bit. So, I went to a cafe and had breakfast in the afternoon, a treat of gingerbread pancakes, fruit, bacon and tea. If I had been getting through my bus difficulties, I wouldn’t have stopped because it would have just added more time, but since it was an adventure: Afternoon Breakfast!

 

On to the megastore. While I’m not a fan of megastores, they are the only places I know where you can buy recycling bags for the city pickup. When I got to my stop, there was a man singing and dancing and clapping. I’m still not sure if he was off his meds, on somebody else’s, or just enjoying himself without caring what anyone else thought.

Confuddled Won’t Kill You Either

I got confused on this one and got off the bus one stop too early, which wouldn’t have been too bad, only it was about 100º F, so, it was kind of icky. Also worth mentioning, I need to get a water bottle. It’s too freaking hot in this state to wander around waterless, it’s dangerous and also, pointless.

 

On the way home I managed to miss a stop which meant I had to run to catch the next bus. Also, the talking people, they have made me decide to start wearing earbuds from now on. I really don’t wish to have another conversation about enemies. Especially ones who are imagined. Um, yeah. That.

The Truth About Adventures

Things I know about adventures:

1) Things will go wrong.

2) It doesn’t matter when things go wrong, since it’s all part of the adventure.

 

Riding a bus isn’t much of an adventure for most people, but it worked perfectly for me.

 

Is there anything you would like to turn into an adventure, or maybe already have? Please share in the comments, I’d love to hear about it.

 

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.

You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Posted in Comfort Zone Stretches |

One Tiny Thing Thursday, #13 Get on the Bus

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

 

 

Welcome to One Tiny Thing Thursday, where we choose to do one lil bit of a part of the scary, instead of trying to tackle the whole overwhelm all at once. Because, starting small is usually better than not starting at all. Join us?

I’ve found a place where I think I’d be happy to live, now, I need to take the application and check to them. Yesterday I walked the 3.6 miles between where I’m staying now, and the apartments. Today, I’m going to take the bus, which is triggering all sorts of stuckness for me. The culture of waiting for the bus, looking for my stop, getting the bus to stop… This is one of those things that either makes sense to you or it doesn’t . So, today, I’ll walk to the bus stop. We’ll see about actually getting on the bus.

Update from last week: I went to the mall, and promptly remembered why I don’t go. It’s like the building drains my energy, then when trying clothes on, nothing fits well, and the pieces are poorly made, and people keep trying to *help* me. Sheesh. So, I tried, it sucked, not doing it again. Looks like I’ll be taking up sewing again.

If you want to play along, then just tell us in the comments what you’re One Tiny Thing is. And if you like, you can always come back and let us know how it went too.

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Posted in Ritual & Announcements |

One Tiny Thing Thursday #12, Shopping or Something Like It

Thursday, March 31st, 2011

 

 

Welcome to One Tiny Thing Thursday, where we choose to do one lil bit of a part of the scary, instead of trying to tackle the whole overwhelm all at once. Because, starting small is usually better than not starting at all. Join us?

I’m going to the mall. Which I used to love, fifteen years ago. Now, I just find it exhausting, like it’s an energy vortex of some sort. It’s probably not quite as Buffy/Angel/Charmed as that though, more like lots of people, lots of stimulation, lots of sugar. That last one may just be my trips to the mall.

My clothes are somewhat limited since I kept things simple for travel: jeans, tees, a couple of wrap skirts and some bikinis. I’m also a somewhat difficult fit, but really I think everyone is, we just don’t see it in others. My personal issue: long limbed and short waisted. So, I’m going to the mall. I’ll walk in and sit and people watch a bit. I’ve got one dress I saw on the interwebs and I’ll see if it’s in stock. Maybe try it on, maybe not, we’ll see how I’m feeling.

This may be a situation where I need to pay a premium for having clothes shipped to the house to try on and then returning the ones that don’t fit and/or I dislike. It’s not a great solution, but I can swing it if I have to. Thanks goodness for small mercies.

Update from last week: Went to the consignment shop. The conversation was impressively easeful. They are still there and still highly disorganized. Good news: they sold some of my stuff, which in the general economic climate we’ve been having seems positive. Here’s hoping more of my things find a happy home with someone who will care for them.

If you want to play along, then just tell us in the comments what you’re One Tiny Thing is. And if you like, you can always come back and let us know how it went too.

Looking to stretch your comfort zone in tiny ways and pick up some resource recommendations? Sign up for Inching Along, and every other week I’ll send you one small (possibly even fun) challenge that you can easily accomplish plus other nuggets that I find.
You know, you can get updates by email or RSS. Yay, updates!

In the comments:

We’re being open here, sharing and saying things we don’t always say out loud. What helps: Sharing your stories and Ideas. Cheering and telling what works/worked for you. What hurts: shoulds, harshness, and such. (I used to teach first grade, I can’t help it.)

 

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Posted in Ritual & Announcements |
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